Toronto skyline - erkan.ca
Sherry: Therisa, I am so looking forward to chatting with you! Have you always lived in Toronto? What do you love about it?
Therisa: I was born in Richmond, BC, and �kidnapped� by my parents, at the age of 2 years old. (My quip is to explain I have never felt comfortable here.) I spent most of my life in Brampton, Ontario, a suburb of Toronto. Minus the five years that I spent living in Ottawa, Ontario, as a university student, first, and then, a year later, looking for work, as the federal government went through one of its periodic slicing and dicing of the civil service workforce.
In June 2007, I lost my apartment and moved to a homeless shelter in Toronto. As a kid, growing up in Brampton, a �burb of Toronto, as it was �the hub� for everything: shopping, concerts, and clubbing. Later on, it became the focus point for the services and support programmes I need, as a transwoman. Also, the atmosphere is so different from Brampton, I don�t feel trapped, like I did there.
In Peel Region, there are no specific by-laws protecting a transperson within the shelter system, like Toronto has. Peel Region (consisting of the cities of Mississauga, Brampton, and the town of Caledon), as a county with a population over a million people, is very unfriendly towards the LGBT+ community. The PFLAG chapter for Mississauga just started on April 18, 2016. Otherwise, living in Peel Region means having to travel to get access for any support services, concerning one's transitioning.
Toronto waterfront, with swans
Sherry: It does sound like you made a wise move, to Toronto. Tell us about your three kitties, Therisa, as we are all animal lovers.
Therisa: On April 7, Venus and Squeak celebrated their seventh birthday together, as they came from the same litter of 5 kittens, of which 4 of them are orange Tabbies (2 girls and 2 boys) and one, black with multi-coloured patches girl, (the runt of the litter).
Venus and Squeak
Happy birthday
Venus and Squeak.
I know
Your birth hour is
Between 7 and 8 pm
My loves.
Which happened
On a Sunday
Seven years ago.
But
I couldn't resist
This impulse
To kiss you
Happy birthday.
Wouldn't surprise me
If you think
I'm daft
At times.
With my behaviour
And actions.
But
Your very presence
In my life
Has had
Very profound effects
Upon me.
In a positive way.
For I can say
Without your love
And compassion
Would have killed
Myself.
Over
The holiday season
Of 2010-11.
Or
The numerous times
That you have helped me
During my PTSD flashbacks
And severe anxiety attacks
By being there.
So enjoy
This special day
My loves.
I promise
Will serve you
A very special treat
Of Salmon
Tonight.
Sorry
It'll have to be
From a can
And not
A fresh fillet.
Therisa � 2016
Sherry: Our animals give us such love and devotion, they see us through our darkest hours, yet ask so little in return. I am smiling, at the can of salmon, rather than a fillet. But I�m sure they enjoyed it hugely.
Therisa: Venus, the smallest of the three cats, is also the most aggressive of them, in defending what she views as her domain: me. With reckless abandon, she will charge Squeak and Star, triggering me, especially when the girls go at it. She constantly needs to be petted or held by me, to acknowledge her and share my love with her. Often, during the night, she will place her paws upon my back or walk on my legs, and look to see where Star is sleeping, before going back to her resting place.
Venus feels this need, to be constantly reassured that I am there for her. In having me, either holding her in my arms, or just petting her, while talking to her. Sometimes, it get too much for me, as I have to place some distance, between us. But I do love her, just not as much as she wants, at times.
Squeak, a male, largest of the three, has a quiet demeanor, as he watches everything that happens around him. His original name was Gentle Ben, before he arrived at my apartment, on June 7, 2009, which I changed, given his higher than normal pitch to his voice, when he communicated with me or Venus. Of the four, of us, Squeak is the neat freak, if the litter box isn�t to his standard of cleanliness, he will protest vocally, until I fix it. Heck, he even does windows for me.
As the perfect gentle Tom, he lets the girls go first, at the food dish, waiting until they had their fill before eating himself. And he loves to walk my hallway floor, getting the latest cat version of gossip, by sniffing every single doorway at least twice. I think he knows more about what happens on my floor than the CC camera does! And yes, he runs back to the apartment at the slightest noise that signals the approach of another person. So much for my knight Errant.
But what I love the most about him is his incredibly soft and deep fur. I could lose my hand, if it wasn�t attached to my arm. Especially when I hold him against my body, with his paws resting upon my shoulders, and my head against him. And he loves the attention, when it comes to groom time, leaning in to the comb, his eyes, are rolled back, and a gentle purr can be heard.
Sherry: I am enjoying this so much, Therisa. I do love the critters! And you take such loving care of them, which does my heart good.
Therisa: Star, the newest member to my household, was taken in as an abused and abandoned kitten, in November 2011. Upon entry in the apartment, Star hid herself underneath the toilet cistern, and refused to move from there. Not sure why I thought of the faerie tale, Hansel and Gretel, but I did, as I laid out a small trail of kibble, from the toilet area to myself, at the entrance of the bathroom. Cautiously, she ate the kibble, until I could gently pet her, and tell her what a good kitten she is. From there, our relationship has grown over the years, helping each other in our healing.
Star as a kitten
Not sure
Why our paths crossed
As they have
Over 4 years ago
Star.
Except
Your very presence
Has offered me
A very rare gift
Of love and compassion.
From someone
Who has known
The toxic touch
Of being abused
And abandoned.
Of how
On your first night
You hid
Under the toilet cistern.
Scared
Out of your mind
With fear.
As I laid
A trial of kibble
From the bathroom
To the centre
Of my heart.
Little
Did I know.
The healer
Would become
The one
Who is
Being healed.
As I watch you
Over the months
Grow and heal
Into your true self.
Greeting me
Every time
I enter
Our shared apartment.
With your deep purr
And a gentle kiss
For me.
Forever leaving
Your paw print
Upon my beating heart
As you snuggle
Against me.
While
Laying down
To rest
For the coming day.
As I give you
Star
My daily thanks
For your being
A part of my life.
Therisa � 2016
Sherry: This poem is so tender, Therisa. I love the trail right to the centre of your heart...and the healer becoming the one healed. That is what our critters do for us, with their unconditional love. Your love for your cats is so heartwarming. Bless you, for rescuing three of them. And I know they bless you, in return, with their love.
Therisa: One of my nicknames for Star, is the �Purring Panther�, given her almost pure black, silky soft coat, which has a triangle burst, upon her chest, and a white stripe, from each of her legs. And the fact she has a very loud purr, when she�s contented. Almost every night, since day one, Star loves to snuggle against my body, whenever she comes to me. As she kneads my blanket, purring away, before sighing and settling down, for the next hour or so. Spending most of the night within arm distance of me.
Sadly, from her abusive past, Star still cries out, when I touch her unexpectedly, and this hurts me, deeply, despite the years of gentleness I have shared with her. Although, she does love to sit upon my lap, after a bath, and let me groom her. Only stopping to remind her, �no claws�.
I know cats are supposed to hate water, but Star loves to play with water. Moving her paw through running water, as if to bring it closer to her. You imagine my surprise, when Star hopped on the ledge of the bathtub, with me in it, and started to drink. Never mind, the water container was about a meter away from her. Could only shake my head in wonderment. Since then, I offer her one of my legs, as a platform to stand upon.
Sherry: She sounds adorable! Therisa, when did you write your first poem? And why did you choose poetry instead of prose?
Therisa: My first poem that I wrote was March 29, 2007, which I posted on my newly minted MySpace account. Have to admit I cringe, whenever I think back to it.
As for choosing poetry over prose, there are several reasons, Sherry. The first reason is my various learning disabilities, which has, in the past, made writing out paragraphs an exercise in frustration for me. As I remember my university days at Carleton University, in Ottawa, Ontario. And the long hours of a blank screen before me, as I attempted to write one of my numerous essays for my courses.
Not sure if this is part of my learning disability, but I tend to write in short micro sentences, which drove my profs nuts, due to sparseness in detail, which I felt covered the question being asked of me. As an intuitive writer, it feels right, to be writing in my minimalist style.
Sherry: Yes, once we find our voice, in poetry, it is good to stay true to what flows naturally. That�s what keeps it authentic. What do you love about poetry?
Therisa: A different format to express myself creatively, beyond the clay sculpting and writing out of my thoughts in paragraph form. In that, free verse has no right or wrong way to express these thoughts, only that they flow, in a smooth stream, like a river does. And grammar, for the most part, is secondary to the message being expressed to the reader. I don�t feel confined or restricted, like I did in elementary and secondary school, when they exposed us to limited forms that ran counter to my learning disabilities.
Sherry: Well, you write very well, and seem to have come a long way from those difficult days. You asked me to choose a few of your poems to share. Shall we start with �Prepping for Soul Soup?�
Sitting down
With a paring knife
And a cooking onion
In my hands.
Taking my time
To ensure
No fingers are nicked
By the slicing blade.
Pruning back
The dry and crumbly
Dead layers
Into the garbage bag.
As if
I'm paring back
My life
Before me.
Trying not
To rub
My burning eyes.
Whose tear ducts
Are overflowing
With sadness
From past memories.
With each layer
I have removed
Before placing it
On the cutting board.
All the time
Wishing
I was handling
Its milder cousin
The Leek.
For the soup pot.
As a stray hand
Starts rubbing
An eye or two.
Trying to ease
The stinging
I feel.
Knowing
It's a task
I have to face.
As crying
Is cathartic
For one�s soul.
In removing
The dead memories
We have gathered
Over our life.
Allowing us
To move on.
Therisa � 2016
Therisa � 2016
Sherry: Brave and wise � the tears, and then the moving on. This is a wonderful poem, Therisa!
Therisa: Yes, but I don�t want people to feel that�s all I write about. As there is more to my writing, which highlights my various struggles and events that affect me, as a person, and the greater community.
Especially, those issues concerning mental illness, transgender human rights, and other marginalized communities, who often don�t have anyone to speak for them. Having lived through years of discrimination, by the education system and by society, at large, I have a unique understanding of what it means to struggle, on a daily basis, while trying to enlighten others.
Sherry: I hear you. I do believe people who struggle the most wind up being the strongest. I especially love �Remembering the Debt Owed�, which has a wonderful message.
As a child
I was taught
By my dad
To show respect
Towards all lifeforms.
Regardless
Of what I thought
Of them.
Whether
It be
A weed plant
Or a pest insect.
In returning
The great gifts
That they provide
To us.
In the form
Of food
Companionship
Or simple beauty
In our lives.
Acknowledging
Our debt
To Mother Earth.
For sharing
Her creation
With us.
Without it
There wouldn't be
Life.
Therisa � 2016
Sherry: By now, you must know how deeply this poem resonates with me, Therisa. It�s beautiful. When did you begin blogging? Does the support and encouragement of the poetry community help you to keep on writing?
Therisa: I only really started to keep a blog on January 2, 2016. Prior to this, I have been involved, with various closed sites, which I felt restricted by, over time. And the drama that seems to accompany them. In seeing many truly talented writers leave, because of the unnecessary drama.
Truthfully, I never figured anyone would read my posts, and when it did happen, I wasn�t prepared, for the supportive and encouraging reaction. On one site, within two weeks there, I had two hateful transphobic and homophobic responses to my posts, which really hurt me.
So far, I have had only one misguided soul, who has spewed their venom upon my posts here. But, sadly, I had to go to the situation where I am pre-approving all comments to my posts.
I think I am more able to express my opinions that run counter to conventional norms, on certain issues that affect me on a very personal level, which I couldn�t do on a closed site. Without having to worry, how people will react to my writing.
Sherry: All we can do is speak our truth. Those who disagree can simply click on by. What activities do you enjoy when you�re not writing?
Therisa: Beyond spending quality time with Venus, Squeak and Star, I am a huge fan of anime (Japanese animation), especially from Studio Ghibli, whose influence is seen through Pixar animated films, whose films cover a wide spectrum of subject matters in their storytelling.
Studio Ghibli's My Neighbour Totoro
A byproduct of this is a very sizable collection of Blu-Ray and DVDs, which comes in handy, on those nights my brain won�t shut down, and sleep is a distant thought, thousands of km away. Also, during my bouts of agoraphobia. I tend to watch old comedies and drama, from the 1930s to the 1960s, as I find the writing, to be better, and I love the actors/actresses, from this era. Especially, Katharine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy, Cary Grant and Gregory Peck.
Sherry: I have a large collection, too, as watching a movie is the best way for me to get a total rest, in mind and body. I prefer older movies to the newer, much of the time, as well. I like the tried and true. Your blog photo shows you cooking. Do you enjoy it?
Therisa: The gauge of my mental health is whether or not I�m cooking. In that, I love to start from scratch, with fresh ingredients, like an artist, combining various herbs and spices, together, by intuition, like my writing. Where recipes are guidelines, which I can divert, if I don�t like the ingredients that are called for, like animal meat or certain vegetables and seasonings. Will admit, no two dishes are ever the same, when I cook.
Unfortunately, Squeak isn�t a big fan of me cooking, as he views this as cutting into our personal time together, whether it�s a hallway stroll, or holding him in my arms. I make sure all of the cats get to share with me, when I make a greens salad. They love red leaf lettuce.
Sherry: That is surprising, but very cool! In browsing your site, I found a wonderful statement, in the poem �Wednesday Morning Thoughts�. Let�s take a look at it.
Peace
Silence of the soul
From internal fighting.
Harmony
Universal celebration
Of love.
Tolerance
Not another buzz word
Uttered by the political elite
To mask indifference.
Joy
Self-acceptance
Of one's self
Warts and all.
Hope
Binding glue
For all.
Therisa � 2013
Sherry: It sounds like you have created a peaceful refuge for yourself, Therisa. I applaud you for choosing to heal and grow, for not giving up, in the face of difficulties. I so admire that.
I would love to take a look at �Healing Blossoms� now, for it really seems to sum up very beautifully the healing journey you are making.
Am dreamin'
The long hard winter
Of my soul
Is slowly
Ending.
Having survived
Those long terror filled nights
Of my turbulent past
That replayed
Before me
In crystal clarity.
As the first
Tender shoots
Of hope
Start to push through
My soul's frozen soil.
Knowing
There will be times
Which
I'll find myself
In the blackest
Of weather.
But
The worse has
Past.
Since
The last killer storm
Had blown across
My soul
Five years ago.
During
The holiday season
Of 2010-11.
As I reach out
To the emerging Sun
Bathing
In its warmth
And light.
Content
In the moment
Real change is
Slowly
Occurring.
Therisa � 2016
Sherry: This is very beautiful, brave and hopeful, Therisa. I would love to think the harsh winter is over and real change is slowly occurring � for you, for all of us, and for the planet. A wonderful poem!
Therisa, since we did this interview, you posted a poem I feel would add to this conversation, which was inspired by the film "The Danish Girl", about Lili Elbe, the first transgender person to undergo sex reassignment surgery. I would like to add it here, if you agree.
Therisa: Yes, please, Sherry. It completes who I am, as a transgender person.
Therisa, since we did this interview, you posted a poem I feel would add to this conversation, which was inspired by the film "The Danish Girl", about Lili Elbe, the first transgender person to undergo sex reassignment surgery. I would like to add it here, if you agree.
Therisa: Yes, please, Sherry. It completes who I am, as a transgender person.
Tat, Lili
Dear Miss Elbe;
Please forgive me
In my ignorance
Of your journey
And life.
As The Danish Girl
Unfolds
Before me
A constant stream
Of tears
Stains my blouse.
Finding myself
Needing to write this
In letting go
Of your fears
You have faced
Head on
Lili.
Wish
I could tell you
Society has changed
In accepting us
As the men and women
We are.
Almost
A century later
The pain and stress
Of self-acceptance
And expressing it
Remains
The same.
Giving truth
To our true self
Means death
To our bodies
As the world
Knew us.
Some may call it
Mutilation
On the surgeries
We undergo.
But
Soul peace
Knows no price
We must pay
To experience it.
Even if
It means death
To our physical body.
Therisa � 2016
Author's note: On Mother's Day (May 8), I watched, for the first time, The Danish Girl, the story of Lili Elbe, and her struggle to be true, to herself, in being, the first transwoman, to undergo SRS.
Personally, I felt the film underplayed, the level of homophobic and transphobic violence, in Europe, at the time, considering, it was late 1920s, and the rise of ultra-right wing nationalistic parties, across Europe, as a whole.
I only wish our community had talked more about the true bravery, Ms. Elbe showed, in being the first candidate to complete SRS surgery, even though, she lost her life, to it. Only hope I have your inner strength, when my turn comes around.
Sherry: A powerful poem, Therisa, and a most moving film. She was brave. I love most "soul peace knows no price we must pay to experience it." In closing, is there anything you�d like to say to Poets United?
Therisa: This may surprise people, but I am a rather private person, despite the very personal and open nature of my postings. Often, I feel overwhelmed by the number of responses to my poems, that I don�t know where to start, in returning your love. Especially, if I get behind, for a given posting.
Sherry: We are happy you are here among us, Therisa. All you need to do is Be You. Smiles. Thank you for being willing to share your poems, yourself, and your adorable cats with us.
Wasn�t this a sweet visit, kids? I love features that are full of animal-love. Smiles. Do come back and see who we talk to next. Who knows? It might be you!
No comments:
Post a Comment